Is Everyone Else Growing Up Without Me?

Do you ever analyze where you are in life and feel like your 5 years behind everyone else your age?  This girl sure does!  The social media only emphasizes that as well. I realize that for a girl in her mid-20’s I’m doing just fine but lately I can’t help but feel like I’m just going through the motions while everyone else is growing up around me.  I get on my social media accounts and see all of these exciting adventures my friends post and question if I’m missing out on life or am I right where I’m supposed to be.  I look at pinterest and find things that look like a fun project, pin them to the board and then never look at them again. Recently I just feel like I’m letting life slip by but when I question if I had all the time in the world to do the things I wanted to do, I would not be able to answer you.  I feel like I’m so afraid of life in general that I’m going to miss out on some key points in my life if I don’t figure out WHY I’m so afraid and GET over my fears.

-I want to travel to places but I don’t know where.  And when friends suggest a trip, it’s always during a time where I feel like I have to save money so I decline the invitation.  I’m afraid if I don’t travel now, I’m going to look back and question why did I care about the finances? You are only getting older and will have less time with your friends as the years pass.

-I tell myself I want to live in a warmer climate because I can’t stand Maryland weather.  That would mean selling my house I bought two years ago, packing up my things and moving to a place away from my family and friends where I do not know anyone…and the warmer weather year round would not guarantee happiness, I just think I would be happier.  Why make such a ballsy decision on something I’m not even sure of?

-I want to go back to school to get a Master’s Degree because I think that will give me more job opportunities outside of the boring yet mentally draining Admin Assistant world. Going back to school is a lot of time and money for something that does not guarantee me a more fulfilling or higher paying job.  Especially now during my 20’s when it’s supposed to be the “prime time” of my life.   Is it?

-I want to get married but am afraid of divorce.  Not that I’m anywhere near getting married, but a have a handful of friends who recently got married and all are now going through divorce because of a cheating situation.  Am I one day going to become undesireable to my husband?  Will I become unhappy in my marriage and regret that I chose to be with him?  I’m afraid of the uncertainty.  How do you KNOW who is the right person for you?

-I don’t want to have kids but I’m afraid that I’ll change my mind when it’s too late.   I don’t know if it’s because I”m no where near the marriage part of my life and that’s why the thought of kids is crazy on my behalf but I get a lot of crazy looks from people because I say I don’t want to have kids and I’d be fine with owning a dog.  I’m afraid I’ll never find someone who shares these same thoughts.  And I’m also afraid of the opposite.  What if I find someone and marry them because we both agree we do not want children but then years later I realize I want them?  I feel like a martian all the time because of this.  Why was I born with the mindset that I”m not a fan of children? Why couldn’t I just be normal?

People say to follow your passions in life.  What if you don’t know what your passions are?  I enjoy a lot of things, but I can’t say there is one particular thing (well besides coffee) that keeps me going every single day.  I keep hoping that life with throw me a sign but so far I have nothing.  I want to dive in head first and get started but I don’t know which pool to dive into.

I feel like I’m starting to question my each and every decision more and more each day and wonder if I made the right choice …even something as small as deciding which group of friends to hang out with to the larger questions of why did I waste four years of college and come out with a degree which I can do nothing with –besides be an assistant?

I also know that I can’t just sit here and wonder where life went because I’m only getting older and running out of time. I realize that some form of action is required on my end in order to make things happen in my life but I don’t know what?  Obviously I’m scared of EVERY major life decision and am constantly evaluating my decisions in the past so I don’t eff up in the future.  But I don’t know what it is, but I feel like everyone else around me is getting there S*** together and I’m still feeling like I should be a sophomore in college.

I was hoping that blogging might englighten me a tad but all it made me realize is that I’m not very good at writing, taking pictures is a pain in the ass, and I can only hope to live a life HALF as passion filled and exciting as other bloggers tend to have.

I don’t know …. maybe all of these feelings are considered the “quarter life crisis?”  I just hope I figure life out sooner rather than later … or at least find some entertainment for the journey 😉

 

On a lighter note, hope everyone has a happy and safe 4th of July weekend 😀

 

Is there anyone else in their 20’s still trying to basically figure out what their purpose in life is?  If you have it figured out already,  what was the turning point or the self enlightenment that made you find that drive?

 

-Nar

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